Sunday, April 30, 2006


Boorish Hinderaker wouldn't know
'funny' if it was written on the banana
peel he'd just slipped on

The annual Powerline review of the White House Correspondents' Dinner is always a news story of sorts. This time, there was buzz about the fact that Mr. John Hinderaker himself would be doing the review. He did indeed post something on the event, typical in its sycophancy and praise for the "new" humor currently in vogue amongst our decadent young people. Apparently a fresh-faced young comedian called Jackie Benny was the featured act, and bombed. According to more distinguished sources, Mr. Dick Cheney was very funny, however. Daguerreotypes captured of the event indicate the Vice President performed a juggling routine, with jokes, to thunderous applause.

I'm told Mr. Cheney later posted a review of his own performance that demolished Hinderaker's pathetic attempt at artful criticism. Make that two more activities our remarkable Vice President does better than the supposed professionals.

I find the easily amused Mr. Hinderaker's sense of humor to be modishly vulgar. I'm hardly surprised that he found the headliner to be humorous, inasmuch as I'd never heard of Jackie Benny, and I typically find anything Mr. Hinderaker writes to be too full of "whizbangs" and "gee gollies" to ever be taken seriously as more than the faddish affectations of a perennial juvenile.

The past 75 years of culture and history, frankly, don't seem very important to me nowadays. For that matter, neither has politics, since at least the
Dreyfus Affair.

Still, if you should ever wish to take a break from your studies of the
Tranby Croft card scandal and other such topical issues, and remind yourself what it was like when comedians had no agenda other than being funny, I offer a memory of this classic performance:

Older readers may also enjoy remembering humor as it was before callow youth such as Mr. Hinderaker destroyed it with their immodest, low brow perversions. To wit:

And of course ...

And finally, an example of some truly memorable comedy stylings that, in this author's humble opinion, have never been matched:


Dick Cheney is so evil ...

... his office won't even talk to the guy who compiles the Federal Directory.

No, really. Not a joke. True.

If you're going to pick up one issue of the American Prospect this year (and you're not
Matt Yglesias' mom), pick up the May 2006 edition, out on newstands now. Or better yet, read the most important parts of it online ... ya cheap bastard, ya.

Along with Michael Tomasky's clinical (if somewhat overwrought)
prescription for Democrats to revive their electoral fortunes, there's a great piece in May's Prospect on Dick Cheney's staff by Robert Dreyfuss. Full of insight into the fringe, shadowy neocon roots of the Office of the Vice President (OVP) and the method behind the OVP's extraordinary muscle in the formulation of national policy, the article also highlights Cheney's - and by extension his staff's - evangelical commitment to un-transparency.

Or to be more blunt, just how devoted these people are to doing all manner of evil in deepest, darkest secrecy.

One passage stands out. It's not the most deadly iteration of the OVP's secret ways - not by a long shot - but it may be the most disturbing for what it says of how complete the paranoia is:
It is the latter, especially Cheney’s press secretaries - he has run through seven of them - whose job is saying nothing, and saying it often. His press people seem shocked that a reporter would even ask for an interview with the staff. The blanket answer is no - nobody is available. Amazingly, the vice president’s office flatly refuses to even disclose who works there, or what their titles are. “We just don’t give out that kind of information,” says Jennifer Mayfield, another of Cheney’s “angels.” She won’t say who is on staff, or what they do? No, she insists. “It’s just not something we talk about.” The notoriously silent OVP staff rebuffs not just pesky reporters but even innocuous database researchers from companies like Carroll Publishing, which puts out the quarterly Federal Directory. “They’re tight-lipped about the kind of information they put out,” says Albert Ruffin, senior editor at Carroll, who fumes that Cheney’s office doesn’t bother returning his calls when he’s updating the limited information he manages to collect. (my empahsis)
This is obssession with secrecy that borders on the pathological. And while it's clear from everything else we know about him that Cheney himself is the engine driving this extreme paranoia, it seems bizarre that he has been able to surround himself with so many individuals in the OVP - in fact, all of them, as far as we can tell - who share his mania.

There is more than a whiff of Nixonian craziness about all this. So much so that when this unfortunate period of American history is over, it seems inevitable that we will all but retire Richard Nixon as the go-to analogy for pundits on deadline writing about future White House malfeasance ... and replace it with tales of the Cheney-Bush operation.

In fact, the beseiged-at-all-times mentality of the OVP - combined with its extreme bully tactics in policy planning and record of no-hold-barred personal attacks on critics who dare voice any apostasy to the office's gradiose, criminally uninformed visions of a globe-spanning America able to adjust a few dials here and carpet bomb a few levers there to spontaneously create Western-style democracies and market-based economies where few seeds for such even exist - call to mind any number of totalitarian party apparatuses from our worst 20th-century nightmares.

Indeed, after reading Dreyfuss' piece, we are left with yet more confirmation of the bitter realization reached so long ago by many of us that not only do these clowns not get democracy, they openly despise it. One never wishes to be a naif about the way that policy sausage is made. But is it so bright-eyed and Kumbayatarian to expect a minimum of give-and-take in government decision-making ... to demand of officials at least the barest understanding that, if only for form's sake, they ought to make a show of listening to views other than their own?

The OVP cadre doesn't even do that:

Time after time, in various interagency meetings, all the way up to the Cabinet-level “principals committee,” [former top State Department official Larry] Wilkerson would watch in astonishment as Cheney’s staffers muscled everyone else.

“The staff that the vice president sent out made sure that those [committees] didn’t key anything up that wasn’t what the vice president wanted,” says Wilkerson. “Their style was simply to sit and listen, and take notes.
And if things looked like they were going to go speedily to a decision that they knew that the vice president wasn’t going to like, generally they would, at the end of the meeting, in great bureaucratic style, they’d say: ‘We totally disagree. Meeting’s over.’” At that point, policymakers from the NSC, the State Department, the Defense Department, and elsewhere would have to go back to the drawing board. And if a policy option that Cheney opposed somehow got written up as a decision memorandum and sent to the Oval Office, he showed up to kill it. “The vice president’s second or third bite at the apple was when he’d walk in to see the president,” says Wilkerson. “And things would get reversed, because of the vice president’s meeting in the Oval Office with no one else there.”
Meeting's over. Go fuck yourselves.

approval rating is listing badly - currently he's less popular than O.J. Simpson was after his murder trial. But that doesn't appear to be stopping this paranoid maniac or his OVP enablers, according to Dreyfuss. He still occupies the top spot in Washington - just a tongue's length away from the President's ear*.

This crew has long viewed "the invasion of Iraq as the prelude to an assault on neighboring Iran," writes Dreyfuss. In recent months, we have witnessed the sabre-rattling towards Iran ratcheted up several notches. It has been tempting to dismiss all the talk about war with Iran - and with nukes on the table, no less! - as so much crazy talk by a lame-duck administration grasping at straws. Way back in March 2003, the Axis of Evil Tour was playing to packed stadium crowds. But by 2006, everybody with a brain thought the damn thing would have been cancelled by now.

Not the OVP, whose members have a Spinal Tap-like ability to remain blissfully unaware of just how completely the public's tastes have passed them by. For Cheney and his band, it's going to be "Hello, Teheran!" sometime soon, as originally planned.

And you better believe they're pulling out all the stops to make sure the show goes on. In the coming weeks and months, they will broadcast every smear, rumor and forgery "proving" an implacable Iranian threat that they can muster. They will use all their bullying tricks to squash dissent in the Pentagon, State Department and NSA. Just as they did to gin up support for the invasion of Iraq.

Scary, scary times.

*Quadruple "ewwwww"!


Saturday, April 29, 2006


Are munny has forrin talk on it!

It ain't a just are Nashunal Anthym what the Hoards of Illegalz are trying to turn forrin! In case you didnt thunk the invashun of are cuntry wuz reel, look at the pitcher below of are munny. It has forrin talk on it! Take a gander fer yoreself:

ParrotLine resertchers are trying to figgur out what these werds mean: "Annuit Coeptis" and "Novus Ordo Seculorum". So far we suxpect they mean: "Kill Whitey!"

Hear is some more exsamples of forrin jibber-jabber thet grafidi artists in the pay of hostel powers has painted on our chairished Land of Liberty:


Friday, April 28, 2006


But just wait 'til Osama
gets hold of the Super Soldier Serum

Two-for-one Friday ...

FROM THE BOY-WHO-CRIED-WOLF DEPT.: Al Qaeda has nukes, says World Nut Daily:

Last week, Hamid Mir's credibility skyrocketed when he accurately predicted in Joseph Farah's G2 Bulletin and later in WND the imminent release of a new recorded communiqué from bin Laden through al-Jazeera, the Arabic TV network. Two days later, bin Laden's tape was the focus of international news coverage.

"If you think that my information and analysis about bin Laden's location is correct," said Hamid Mir, "then please don't underestimate my analysis about his nuclear threat also."

Mir said that he met with an Egyptian engineer last week who lost an eye after one of bin Laden's nuclear tests in the Kunar province of Pakistan. The Pakistani journalist said the encounter with the engineer greatly disturbed and depressed him since it provided further assurance that a nuclear nightmare for America is about to dawn.

Lost an eye? Is it just me, or did you always imagine secret nuclear tests to be a bit more dangerous than two 10-year-old boys playing with pointy sticks? Like: It's all fun and jihad until someone loses an eye!

I think more likely than during a nuclear test, that engineer lost his eye trying to read a World Nut Daily hyperlink. I mean, is that mess in the first paragraph quoted above enough to drive you blind or what?

Anyway, color me, oh, a wee bit skeptical about some one-eyed guy who told some other guy who told Joseph Farah (!) that al Qaeda is testing nuclear weapons in a province of Pakistan that doesn't even fucking exist.

That's right, Kunar province is
actually in Afghanistan, not Pakistan.

Maybe the Egyptian engineer lost his sense of direction along with his eye. Or maybe, just maybe, when you make shit up on the fly just to scare people, having the first fucking clue about what you're talking about is ... feh! Details!

HOTAIR.COM WATCH: What we learned in the first week of Michelle Malkin's new hate site ...

- You may have never seen anyone idiotic enough to wear them in public (unless you happen to work out at the same gym as
Pamela), but apparently enough right-wing eliminationist T-shirts are being sold to fund a slick multimedia Web operation. (Of course, one suspects that "T-shirt sales" are funding prototypical rightwing subsidy client the same way "olive oil imports" built Las Vegas.)

- Michelle Malkin has cloned herself, twice. This is how she posts on her blog while flying cross-country, appearing on TV or sleeping. Really, it's not her husband Jesse ... it's one of her clones.

- "Islamofascist" looks really dumb in print. It sounds even dumber spoken. And when Michelle Malkin says this made-up word on one of her little streaming videos, America's literacy rate drops four percentage points.

- Some Latino musicians
reworking the National Anthem is a "despicable act" that will "galvanize American citizen (sic)." Good thing Michelle warned her readers to "sit down" before reading the dangerous lyrics. Wouldn't want a million wingnuts having strokes at the sight of "Oh say can you see, a la luz de la aurora/Lo que tanto aclamamos la noche al caer?" ... "The traitors in Washington must pay for this," one commenter warns. Fuck yeah!


Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Haiku of Townhall

Our semi-regular feature returns!

LaShawn Barber

Dumb anecdotes prove
Food stamps are just slavery
All over again

Mark Joseph

I so love dissent
Except when I hate it, thus:
Wang - awesome; Moore - fat

Brent Bozell

Pulitzers for lies
Exposed, but not for blowjobs?
A pox on Truth’s House!

Michelle Malkin

Illegals who built
New house moonbats made me buy
Might try to kill me

John Stossel

I say, ‘Greed is good’
But ripping off Ayn Rand bilge
Is even better

Jonah Goldberg

Here’s a proposal:
Let the Iraqis hear me
Talk out of my ass

Kathleen Parker

Taking advantage
Of the media spotlight?
'Wrong!' says top pundit

Mike Adams

Action figure Mike!
In toy stores this summer, plus:
Chauvinist-Fu Grip!

William F. Buckley

Ahem, a-ha, hmm
Act of indecorum, pshaw
Sherry? Sherry! What?

Carrie Lukas

Women hate money!
They don’t want as much as men!
Ow! Damn glass ceiling!

David Limbaugh

John Kerry sux rox!
Dude, you hear about Chris Penn?
Sure hope I’m not next …

Rebecca Hagelin

Bible Bible Mo-
Mible Banana-fana
Fo-Fible … BIBLE!

Tony Snow

As a Fox News host
I’m appalled by how low our
Media has sunk

Nathanael Blake

Only thing weirder
Than the way I spell my name
Is my shadow-beard

Oliver North


Walter E. Williams

There’s no deficit!
In other news: Two plus two
Equals - Rice Krispies!

Ben Shapiro

Americans should
See our brave soldiers' faces more
My mug? Irony?


Tuesday, April 25, 2006


Malkin & 'themole' update

Chris Chittleborough in comments points out that at least one lefty blog posted Michelle Malkin's personal info, including her home address, independently of "themole" and the One People's Project. (Chittleborough is the same Chris who was very helpful in tracking down the Michael Crook connection in the original post on Parrotline analyzing the sequence of events leading to Malkin claiming an unspecified group of people were "plastering" her address all over the Internet.)

Chris calls the revelation that a lefty blog posted Malkin's info "bad news" for me, by which I assume he means that it hurts my theory that almost all of the "plastering" of Malkin's details was done by the mysterious comment thread troll "themole" ... and not by "unhinged lefties" as has been thundered throughout the right blogosphere.

I disagree. But first I'll go Chris one step further - I'd be willing to bet there are more lefty blogs than the one he points to that published the info, and certainly more commenters other than "themole" who published it in various comment threads. The Internet's a big place, and while myself and others have conducted some pretty deep searches into where and when Malkin's info was posted, there's simply no way we could peek into every dark and dingy corner.

And if we could, well, we'd probably be business-planning the shit out of our killer search algorithm and watching Google stock plummet instead of writing snarky blog posts.

Fact is, I knew about the blog Chris points to before today, both from my own research and from Bas-O-Matic's discovery of it independently of me. I chose not to link to it directly, out of the same principle that led me to scrub the "killthebitch" (who is almost definitely "themole" with a different username) comment in the comment thread to this post.

My only regret is that I didn't clarify to readers that while I believed "themole" to be the principle "plasterer" of Malkin's info, he or she was surely not the only one. In the original post I tried to use non-encompassing language that would let the reader know this was the case ... in retrospect I should have stated that directly.

That said, it still remains clear to me - barring the unearthing of a lot more evidence than Chris provides - that "themole" was and is the overwhelming bulk of the "campaign" to post Malkin's details in the blogosphere. (One People's Project is a different kettle of fish, read the original post for my take on it.) A few low-traffic lefty blogs posting the info does not change that.

For a good example of how lefties handled the whole Malkin affair, check this post by Steven Gilliard and the ensuing comment thread. While Gilliard condemns outright any payback in kind for Malkin's posting of the UC Santa Cruz students' contact info, many of his readers disagree, proclaiming that Malkin deserves whatever she gets in return from people publishing her details.

What's interesting, though, is that despite these various commenters' zeal for eye-for-an-eye retribution, none that I can see after wading through 185 comments actually posts Malkin's details or even links to pages that have them.* I agree very much with Gilliard's take on the matter, and disagree just as strongly with several of his commenters' opinions ... but it's also somewhat heartening to see that despite their bluster, none of those commenters actually seems to have followed through with the actions they claimed to find justified.

In his comment, Chris also talks about the perils of assuming a strictly "left-right" dichotomy in politics. He's right.

*A perusal of many of the homepages linked by commenters who have them reveals no Malkin info published, either.


While we're on the subject of Malkin ...

This little nugget of dehumanization by MM can't go uncommented upon:
I'll be doing a phone-in to Fox & Friends in about 4 minutes to discuss the Bush administration's continued "catch and release" policies for illegal aliens. (My emphasis)
To Malkin, illegal immigrants aren't even mammals. Shit, they haven't even made it very far out of the primordial ooze yet.

What an utter douchebag godbag three-bagger prick.


Monday, April 24, 2006


Pinko Punko, call your office

Has there ever been a post so immaculately conceived for the Three Bulls! crowd as this discussion of slurs that end in "bag"?

No, strike that. Has there ever been a moment in time so perfectly positioned on the 4-D axis of reality for a 3B! festival of 'bagging as the above discussion on the wonderfully named-in-triplicate Women's Space/The Margins - the blog? And for an apertif for the 3B! hordes soon to descend upon WS/TM - tb, there is this post on Pandagon ... where Amanda Marcotte is already light years ahead of the sluggish Pinko Punko, Yosef, Gregor Samsa et. al. with these words of wisdom for those who would purge our language of the 'bag suffix:
“Sack” is a slang term for testicles, but that doesn’t mean when I say someone weighs more than a sack of potatoes, I’m saying they weigh more than someone’s nut sack, because that would be stupid.

Plus, there's a screamingly shit-hot 'bag of a graph on Pandagon analyzing the supreme 'bagginess of Adam Corolla, among others ... for which Amanda is my new feminine ideal, for whom I am sculpting a virtual fertility goddess statue out of rich, loamy, alluvial clay ... or would if I still had fucking Photoshop.

Three Bulls!? Missing in action. Late to the party. Recovering from - wannhh! mommy, it hurts when I swallow! - a widdle cold.


Malkin and 'themole'

While the AnnieAngel Experience has been exposed over at Sadly, No! and in comments here as a dubious and possibly pathological cyber-vaudeville act, featuring the sockpuppet stylings of Shoelimpy™ and the perilous pratfalls of Princess AA herself … several of us in the wincing-at-reality-based community have been investigating a parallel situation involving agents of disruption.

Or more accurately, a single agent of disruption, who goes by “themole”, and rather less frequently, “killthebitch”.

First things first. If you’ve followed the Malkinization of the Internets over the past couple of days, skip ahead to QUESTIONS. If not, here’s a handy-dandy timeline of recent events, adapted from the work done by
Bas-O-Matic and elendil in comments to the previous post on this blog.


Tuesday, April 11: UC Santa Cruz anti-war group Students Against War (SAW) stages an “action” at a UCSC job fair to protest the presence of military recruiters. Campus police initially place the four recruiters in a room separated from the other job fair exhibitors, but “citing safety concerns,”
according to the Santa Cruz News Sentinel, the military recruiters decide to leave the fair after a “tense hour-long standoff” with the protesters.

Later on Tuesday, popular right-wing blogger
Michelle Malkin gets wind of the Sentinel’s “Breaking News” report and posts an item titled “UC SANTA CRUZ HATES OUR TROOPS”, timestamped APRIL 11, 2006 09:59 PM, which is critical of the “anti-war thugs” and “moonbats” who support them. She also posts contact information for UCSC officials, with the exhortation to her readers to “Take a stand.”

Wednesday, April 12: Malkin
posts a second time (“SEDITIOUS SANTA CRUZ VS. AMERICA”, APRIL 12, 2006 09:52 AM) on the SAW action at the UCSC job fair. She describes the group’s action as activity that “used to be called sedition.” She also posts phone and email contact information for three UCSC student members of SAW, taken from a press release about the action that the group had posted on its website (SAW subsequently removed the contact information).

Malkin later updates the post, writing:
UPDATE: SAW has removed the contact information from its press release and is now lying about the fact that it made the info publicly available on the Internet. I am leaving it up. If you are contacting them, I do not condone death threats or foul language. As for SAW, my message is this: You are responsible for your individual actions. Other individuals are responsible for theirs. Grow up and take responsibility.
April 12-17: The three SAW members whose contact info was posted on Malkin’s website begin receiving harassing emails and phone calls, some of which include death threats. According to SAW member David Zlutnick, who was one of the three members who had their contact information posted by Malkin on April 12, the group contacted Malkin by email during this period and asked her to take their contact info down, as it was not intended to be made public. Zlutnick claims to have copies of the emails sent to Malkin, which would call into question her April 18 claim that:

Oh, and for the record--not that the facts matter to the unhinged--not one of the three SAW students whose contact information is still publicly accessible across several websites has e-mailed me [*or phoned me or contacted me in any other way*] as of 12:30am EDT 4/18 [*as of 10:00am EDT*] to request that I remove anything.
Monday, April 17: Malkin posts again on SAW (“MORE THUGGERY IN SANTA CRUZ”, APRIL 17, 2006 09:19 AM). This post contains a screenshot of the SAW press release with the contact info for the three students, making it the second time Malkin has posted the information – after the group says it had asked her to take it down, and after she essentially admitted that her own readers were issuing “death threats” and using “foul language” when contacting the three students.

Later on Monday, liberal blogger Ezra Klein
posts a stinging rebuke of Malkin for posting the students’ personal contact info not once, but twice. Others, including this blog, weigh in at various times about the clear breach of ethics committed by Malkin in publishing contact info that was clearly meant for journalists who wished to follow up on the UCSC job fair story. Malkin defenders in the right blogosphere counter that the press release was made public when SAW posted it on its website, thus making the contact info “fair game” for Malkin to publish. Critics of Malkin reply that Malkin, as a longtime journalist, is surely aware that standard protocol (not to mention basic ethics) for press releases – even those in the public realm – does not allow for such wanton disregard for the intent of press contacts in distributing their personal details. As commenter Chris on the rightwing blog Protein Wisdom notes:

Every professional press release has contact information. But if I send out a release that is sure to get a lot of response, do you really think I intend for the general public to call me directly? I think a few people need to get their facts straight here. Malkin didn’t publish the release on her site. She published ONLY the contact info. It’s disingenuous at best to pretend that she didn’t expect her readers to deluge the students with calls and e-mails. To her, the press release was simply a source for her to get the contact information, much as Google or the phone book can be a source.
In a post titled “THE MOONBATS STRIKE BACK” (APRIL 17, 2006 08:17 PM), Malkin runs several emails she claims have emanated from the “minions” of “unhinged lefty bloggers” criticizing her for posting the SAW members’ contact info. Several of the emails contain racist language aimed at Malkin’s Filipino ethnicity, and some suggest that Malkin may soon see her own personal info posted on the Internet.

Wednesday, April 19: Malkin posts “I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU” (APRIL 19, 2006 08:53 PM), in which she
addresses a group of unnamed people – “You know who you all are” – which she claims has “plastered my family's private home address, phone numbers, and photos and maps of my neighborhood all over the Internet to further your manufactured outrage and pathetic coddling of a bunch of lying, anti-troops punks at UC Santa Cruz ...”

Dozens of conservative bloggers take Malkin’s “I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU” post - which contains no links or other means by which the reader can confirm that her family’s private information has been “plastered … all over the Internet” – to mean that lefty bloggers (or even more generically, “the left” itself) has been posting this information on their blogs or other left-leaning websites. This despite the fact that Malkin’s post does not specify any individuals who are doing such a thing, let alone any members of “the Left”. Nor does a comprehensive (if not exhaustive) look at the many right wing blog posts condemning “lefties” of posting Malkin’s personal info turn up any solid proof that anybody in the left blogosphere is posting the information.

Thursday, April 20: Somebody calling him or herself “killthebitch”
posts a comment to a post on this blog that links to the One People’s Project website, which gives Malkin’s contact information. The commenter also posts a link to a satellite map to Malkin’s house, hosted by Imageshack. I scrub the links out of the comment, but leave the comment up, minus the links.

Contact with Gavin M. and Brad R. of Sadly, No!, and with Auguste of Malkin(s)watch reveals that a commenter or commenters had also posted on their blogs almost word-for-word the same comment as the one I had scrubbed, with the same links. The
Sadly, No! comment is deleted by Brad R., while the Malkin(s)watch comment, by “themole”, has been scrubbed of the links by Auguste.

poking around reveals that “themole” has been posting essentially the same comment, complete with links to One People’s Project and the satellite map, in both liberal and conservative blog comment threads, since at least April 19 at 9:05am. Hat tip to shingles in comments for the idea to google “payback’s a bitch” + “the mole” …

So that’s the timeline. Now for the questions.


1. What is the One People’s Project?

From what I can tell, it’s an organization that tracks right wingers, paying special attention to racist extremists. The Project’s website posts personal information – phone numbers, addresses, email, etc. – of many of the people it tracks. If you’ve gotten this far, you’re probably aware that I find this to be a questionable tactic at best, because I’m not a fan of the vigilantism it has the potential to inspire.

I contacted Daryle Lamont Jenkins of the organization via email to find out more about “themole”/”killthebitch” and Michelle Malkin. I asked Jenkins whether Malkin’s info was posted on the Project’s website in response to her posting of the SAW info, specifically asking if it was a case of “what’s good for the goose is good for the gander” in his mind.

This Jenkins denied, emphasizing that One People’s Project had Malkin’s info up on its website long before she posted the SAW details: “It should be noted that this really wasn't a case of what's good for the goose is good for the gander. Our mission has always been to put out as much information as we can - any information - about people on the right, particularly the extremists. I will say however that we will not make a move that we don't see someone on the right do first, so that might be where the ‘good for the goose’ notion may come from.”

Here’s more of what Jenkins has to say about One People’s Project and l’Affaire Malkin: “The truth of the matter is we had her information on One People's Project for almost four years. In fact, if you were to google the link to the bio we did of her, and look at the cache, you will see that the date it was written was in 2004, which was the time we converted everything from html to php.

“When this thing happened with UC Santa Cruz, we figured it was no big deal since Malkin's info was on our site for some time, but we decided to be smart alecks about it, and make a link on our side bar to her bio. That day, the hits to her bio doubled, and now it has tripled. I saw some of the information on other sites and it is indeed from our site, as it was written by us.

I asked Jenkins about the mysterious “themole” showing up in comment threads all over the place. I informed him of speculation that - because this lone individual seemed to be the only one doing the “plastering” of Malkin’s private info all over the blogosphere – it would seem at least possible that “themole” might be an agent of Malkin’s herself … or at least sympathetic to her and the idea of helping her to play the “martyr”.

Jenkins replied: ”Now did Malkin have a hand in passing it all over the place? Maybe. We will have to cop to the fact that is has been on our site for a number of years, and Malkin's bio was the one with the most hits of all the bios on the site until recently when two white supremacists took the two top spots.

“Even with that, however, it was particularly quiet in regards to her information until this week. We will not take any of it down as doing so will go against our mission to document as much as we can, but we will stress that in no way will we encourage any criminal acts or violence to happen behind anything we put on our site.”

So. What we’ve learned so far: Malkin’s private info was on the One People’s Project website for “a number of years.” That site may be well known amongst a certain segment of the left – but I’d certainly never come across it, and I suspect the majority of liberal Net denizens were unaware of it, too.

One person who Jenkins believes certainly knew of One People’s Project well before the UCSC job fair action took place, is Michelle Malkin herself.

“When we saw her ‘I Am Not Afraid of You’ entry, we knew right away she was referring to us. She even emailed us yesterday [Friday, April 21] asking us to take the info down. We just assumed that there were some sites that were using the info that have since taken it down since we couldn't find it anywhere.”

More on this later.

2. Who is “themole”/”killthebitch”?

From what I can gather after conferring with Auguste of Malkin(s)watch and the Sadly, No! crew, the IP addresses of “the mole” and “killthebitch” originate from the same location in The Netherlands. The IP address of the commenter whose post was deleted by Brad R. on Sadly, No! (and who did not call itself “themole”) originated in Boston. Both “themole” and “killthebitch” posted homepages that linked to the
same placeholder website owned by a UK firm.

With the identical IP addresses, homepages and essentially the same cut-and-pasted text, it can be strongly inferred that “themole” and “killthebitch” are the same person. Since this person commented as “killthebitch” on my blog (and only my blog as far as I can tell) rather late in the game, it seems plausible that he/she/it, after experimenting with posting the Malkin info across the blogosphere, decided to ratchet up the rancor towards Malkin by changing usernames to reflect a deep hate for her.

The Sadly, No! commenter seems to be a different individual, given the different IP address. It should be noted that the Sadly, No! commenter could be “themole”, posting from a different computer. It should also be noted that “themole” is not necessarily based in The Netherlands, but could be someone who routes through, the Dutch outfit that maintains the IP address, which, Gavin M. of Sadly, No! contends, seems to provide IP addresses for people not in The Netherlands.

If this is the case, and if the Sadly, No! commenter was really “themole” posting from a different computer, we might theorize that “themole” – who normally covers his/her tracks by routing through – slipped up when posting to Sadly, No! and is in fact in Boston.

But that’s just a theory.

Another comes from Chris Chittleborough, a commenter on Protein Wisdom. His
take on “themole”: “Hey folks: it’s not just the left who are attacking MM. This pseudoNazi is trying to put MM’s personal details on lots of left wing blogs via comments, often as ‘themole’.”

I contacted Chittleborough to find out what he had on “themole”. He directed me to a website run by
one Michael Crook, a racist gadfly who operated the defunct website that was the subject of several Malkin blog posts some time ago, as well as dozens of other websites that take extreme positions designed to win Crook negative attention from mainstream media. On the website Chittleborough directed me to (which Chittleborough also asked me not to link directly), Crook posts about the Malkin affair as “mcomike”. Commenting in the thread for that post is none other than “themole” … which leads Chittleborough to believe that “themole” may be connected to Michael Crook.

I am not sure if this is the case. For one, a quick hunt through Crook’s website did not reveal any more comments by “themole”. And as
Bas-O-Matic theorizes, it seems likely that “themole” (or “killthebitch”) simply did a search on Technorati or elsewhere to discover which blogs were posting about the Malkin affair. With those links in hand, “themole” proceeded to hit dozens of blogs’ comment threads and post the same comment over and over again.

It seems plausible that “themole” came across Crook’s Malkin post the exact same way he or she accessed dozens of others, and posted the cut-and-paste job without regard to the content of Crook’s post (which is typically racist, sneering and altogether hateful) … as he or she was doing all over the blogosphere.

A final point with regards to “themole”. I have been unable to determine the origin of the satellite map to Malkin’s house that was consistently linked to by “themole” (who even made a point, on at least one blog comment thread, of linking to a second hosting site after the original Imageshack map was taken down). I believe that map was actually constructed by “themole” itself.

It may prove to be impossible to determine the identity or political allegiance of “themole”. He or she could be a liberal or conservative. There is no evidence that “themole” – despite the suggestive username – was an agent for Malkin (known to her or not). There is only the faint odor of fishiness from the fact that “themole” nearly single-handedly brought about the “plastering” of Malkin’s info across the Internet, thus “confirming” her cryptic reference in the “I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU” post to a campaign to terrorize her and her family.

But any sort of speculation into the purpose of the trolling by “themole” must be considered in light of a pair of facts in Malkin’s favor. First, the One People’s Project did move its page containing Malkin’s personal info to its front page via a blurb and link before Malkin posted “I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU”. Indeed, Jenkins believes that post was directed at the Project.

Second, “themole” began posting Malkin’s info on blog comment threads several hours before Malkin posted “I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU”. Though the bulk of the “plastering” of Malkin’s info was done after her post, it remains true that a campaign to do so – by one individual – had begun before she complained of it.

That said, we can still reach some conclusions that don’t work nearly so well in Malkin’s favor – or her rightwing defenders.


Criticism of Malkin for posting the SAW students’ contact info – particularly the second time, after she was aware of death threats being received by the students – has been amply documented. We don’t need to revisit it here, other than to say again that Malkin was wrong to do so, and what’s more, had to know she was wrong to do so from her training as a professional journalist.

What concerns me more at the moment is the utter dishonesty of the response to Malkin’s “I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU” post. Malkin carefully worded that post – and left out any details for readers to follow up on her claims – to make herself out to be the victim of a widespread campaign (her private info was “plastered” across the Internet, remember) to terrorize her and her family … without saying anything concrete that could prove embarrassing later, i.e. that all of this was the work of a single website moving already existing information to front-page prominence and another unaffiliated individual trolling blog comment threads.

Malkin is quite good at directing her readers to conclusions, without explicitly taking them by the back of the head and rubbing their noses in what she wants them to conclude. She used the same basic technique in the original blog entry that included the SAW contact details. She never said outright, “Go harass these people.” But by calling them seditionists and thugs earlier in the post, she might as well have.

And just as her Pavlovian readers responded predictably to the posting of the SAW contact info, so did her defenders in the right blogosphere respond predictably to her claim of being terrorized by a widespread campaign to harass her. A
look at righty blogs referencing the “I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU” post reveals dozens of knee-jerk, unsupported condemnations of “lefties” and “the left” for its supposed “campaign” to attack Malkin, plus hundreds of examples of the same sort of talk in comment threads.

But the fact is, there was never a campaign by the left, or even any significant number of lefties to publish Malkin’s private info. Not in comment threads, much less in front page blog posts. The entire campaign was almost entirely conducted by a single, hit-and-run troll called “themole” in comment threads.

And not only was the left not interested in posting Malkin’s details, many lefty bloggers immediately scrubbed or deleted comments that contained them, as soon as they were discovered.

But “I AM NOT AFRAID OF YOU” and the work of “themole” served a purpose (the only question is whether “themole” intended to serve this purpose or not). By the night of April 19, after a week of sustaining damage from various quarters that were critical of her posting the SAW info, Malkin was back in the victim’s seat. The waters surrounding her original breach of ethics were significantly muddied. Her proxies across the right blogosphere had the ammo to fight back against her critics, and even go on the attack against “the lefties” who were so clearly much worse in their tactics – going so far as to post a satellite map, whereas Malkin had only posted cell phone numbers and email addresses.

Mission accomplished, as they say. And it’s not like we haven’t seen this same game played out before on a grander scale, involving far more important stakes. The right’s Rovian playbook has as its basic formation precisely this sort of thing. From the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth nonsense in the 2004 presidential campaign season to the blogswarm over the CBS memos about President Bush’s TANG service, we have witnessed forms of this latest Malkin affair writ large many times in the past.

It begins with a small group or even an individual with a dubious background making allegations or “exposing” some secret. The rightwing media machine, including the blogosphere, “plasters” this shocking information all across the land, creating an angry din that outshouts any attempt to objectively investigate whether there is any “there” there to the scandal in question. The rightwing slant becomes the conventional wisdom, or at the very least muddies the waters enough to throw whatever the truth might be into serious doubt in the minds of many.

On the national level, elections are won and lost, and power is consolidated and ripped away, thanks in no small part to the collective weight of these deceitful campaigns, big and little.

My purpose in examining such a blip in the blogosphere as the most recent l’Affaire Malkin has been to dig down into one such little campaign – to find out how it came about, how it was sparked by the deliberate actions of a very tiny group of agents … then built up momentum on the predictable reactions of uncoordinated rightwing mouthpieces swarming to further the storyline along without ever questioning what proved to be its basic false premise.

Perhaps it’s been a waste of my time to spend so much of it on something that is on the face of it quite trivial. But I like to think that this sort of work has some value in preparing for the larger campaigns of deceit that are being hatched and conducted even as we speak … that involve huge issues like war with Iran, immigration policy, voting mechanisms and the environment, to name just a few.


Friday, April 21, 2006


Friday fake song

The Deciderer

Oh, well, I’m the boss of you, who will never settle for
Any kind of peace that ain’t preceded by a war
I bomb 'em and I strafe 'em 'cause to me they're all the same

I torture and I nuke 'em, you can bet they know my name
They call me the deciderer, yeah the deciderer
I bomb around around around ...

Oh, well, there's Karl on my left, and there's Rummy on my right

And Condie is the girl that I'll plot war with tonight
And when she asks me which one I’d love to kill to rights

I tear open PNAC’s brief, got Iran in my bombsights
'Cause I'm the deciderer, yeah the deciderer
I bomb around around around ...

Oh, well, I test-market in May

For wars I start in June
'Til I'm as happy as Ken Lay
With brownouts in California dancin' to his tune

I'm the type of guy that likes to bomb around

I'm never in one place, I bomb from town to town
And when I find myself answerin’ to some hack
I hop right into Airforce One and sneak a swig o’ Jack
Yeah, I'm the deciderer, yeah the deciderer
I bomb around around around ...

I'm the type of guy that likes to bomb around
I'm never in one place, I bomb from town to town
And when I find myself answerin’ to some hack
I hop right into Airforce One and sneak a swig o’ Jack
Yeah, 'cause I'm a deciderer, yeah a deciderer
I bomb around around around ...
'Cause I'm a deciderer, yeah a deciderer
I bomb around around around


That's odd ...

... I thought the new conservatism was supposed to be all optimistic about downtrodden people's ability to govern themselves. Isn't it the liberals who are the freedom-hating elitists whose thinly veiled racism is evident in their unwillingness to spread gun-boat democracy far and wide?

Well, "kowalski" sets us straight: "Welcome to a new frontier, because this is what happens when you hook up most of humanity to a world-wide information exchange medium."


Thursday, April 20, 2006


If you don't like worms, try not
opening cans of them all the time

There are lots of things in this world that make you say, "What a bunch of dumbasses."

For example, earlier today I happened upon an old NBA playoff game on ESPN Classic, between the Nets and Sixers. The Nets' Michael Ray Richardson gets fouled hard making a layup and goes to the line*. The camera gets him in the standard frontal close-up as he prepares to take the free throw. At the bottom of the screen is a graphic: "Michael Ray Richardson ... Scoring Average ... Season: 12.0 ... Tonight: 20.0" ...

At this point I'm shouting at the screen, "What's with the decimal point? Just in case he scores 20.1 points tonight? What a bunch of dumbasses."

We all have screaming-at-stupidity moments like that. With the exception of
Glenn Greenwald, all of us have done the kind of dumbass things that make others boil over at our own stupidity. But for the most part, dumbassness like the scoring graphic above isn't particularly harmful ... it's just dumbass.

Not so the heartbreaking tale of staggering dumbass cooking in the right blogosphere at the moment. The details: Michelle Malkin
posts the email addresses and phone numbers of some UC Santa Cruz students who caused a ruckus over the presence of military recruiters at a job fair. The message from Malkin is clear: "Will no one rid me of these meddling moonbats?" Bloggers on the left cry foul, Keith Olbermann picks up the story and names Malkin the "Worst Person in the World" on his MSNBC show. In the meantime, Malkin compounds her original offense by re-posting the students' personal information. The targetted students are getting death threats. Some dipshits on the left decided to strike back by posting Malkin's home address** on their sites, and Malkin posts on her site that now she herself is getting death threats.

Okay, stop. Here we are. A perfect place for all of us - left and right - to step back and say, "Enough's enough - we're letting politics get waaaaay too personal and out of hand. All of this stuff needs to end ... now."

some people did say that. And so did some others. And surely many more people that I'm not aware of said it, from the left and from the right. For my part, I'll go so far as to say this series of incidents has made me question if even the exceedingly tame campaign against cobag's cobag Ruth Malhotra might be skirting the edge of reasonable tactics.

But Jeff Goldstein has used the opportunity to (sadly but predictably) get in a high dudgeon over the barbarism of the left. Various other righties (check
Malkin's trackbacks) have done a variation of the same.

What utter, hypocritical dumbasses.

Goldstein et. al.'s argument begins with the specious argument that the Santa Cruz kids had made their personal info publicly available in a press release - see, it was their own fault! But as Auguste shows, Malkin's address is also publicly available. And as Auguste makes plain, the mere public availability of information does not make it acceptable in any way for anybody to draw new attention to it in a climate of concentrated revenge-seeking.

Aside from that, what Goldstein and crew either don't know or pretend not to know, is just what a press release is and how the information in it is expected to be treated. But you can be damn sure that Malkin, who worked in newsrooms as a regular journalist before sliming her way to ace pundit status, knows precisely how blatantly she violated the basic understanding between journos and PR flacks (in this case, the "PR flacks" are the students themselves).

Here's a little example of what I'm talking about. As a sports editor, I would get several press releases a week from a publicist for the San Francisco 49ers. These were emailed to me, and were also available on the 49ers' website, easily accessible to any member of the public who might choose to look for them. Printed on the releases was the private phone number of the publicist who wrote them, made available in case I or any other journalist covering the Niners wanted to give him a call about the release.

Meanwhile, I would write stories and columns about the Niners, often extremely critical of the organization and its ownership, the Yorks. I wrote at least one column that accused the Yorks and the Niners of cheating their fans through stinginess and incompetence.

At no time did it ever cross my mind to publish the phone number of the PR flack - publicly available, remember - for the purpose of implicitly prodding my readers to go take out their frustrations with the team on one of its representatives. It wasn't a question that such a move would destroy my access to the Niners (though doubtless it would have done that), but that to do it would be the most cheap, below-the-belt thing I could possibly do as an editor. So cheap and below-the-belt that it would never have crossed my mind to do it even if I'd had some sort of personal grudge against the publicist.

Now there has been some discussion about how "stupid" the Santa Cruz kids were to put their personal contact info on their publicly available press release. As I've shown, however, journalists deal with personal info on press releases all the time, and they don't publish it to start harrassment campaigns against people or organizations they don't like. It's a code so deeply understood, I don't think I've ever actually heard any journalist talk about it. To give Goldstein et. al. the benefit of the doubt, maybe that's too much "tradecraft" for them to have absorbed - even though the understanding I describe falls more into the category of "basic ethics a child could grasp" rather than "secret journalists' guild protocol".

But not Malkin. She knows precisely why such information is on press releases: For journalists (and I use the term loosely with regards to a hatemongering polemicist like Malkin) to contact the principles or their spokespeople for followup on a story. Malkin, from her bully pulpit, blatantly abused the unwritten understanding between journalists and sources to sic her vigilante attack dogs on some kids. There is just no arguing with that conclusion.

So back to dumbassness. The hypocrisy of Malkin to cry foul over her own similar treatment - and for the likes of Goldstein to rush to her defense by heaping his endless capacity for transparently biased scorn upon her tormenters, while giving the instigator herself a free pass for precisely the same behavior - is dumbassness at its dumbassest. It is the achievement of terminal dumbassocity, the absolute zero on the scale of dumbass, the epic collision of all that is contained in Set: Dumb with all that is comprised of Form: Ass.

My own anger over this dumbass display on a scale of 1-10? Season: 12.0 ... Tonight: Infinity.9999 ...

*Incidentally, "going to the line" of another sort would prove the undoing of Richardson's promising NBA career.

**Which I will not link to here.

UPDATE: "Michelle Malkin - Awe Inspiring" ... so sycophantic, you've got to read it to believe it.


Wednesday, April 19, 2006


'It' ... get used to the
oh-so delicious flavor, cobagz

We are joined in Blogsylvania by none other than Bas-O-Matic née Carpbasman.

All of us had been awaiting this day with no little trepidation, as its arrival now spells our doom as originalist bloggers. We resign ourselves as cobagz to eating it for as long as Bas shall post.


Harnessing the power of the cybernets

So, as I mentioned in comments, I've applied for this job as Blogging & Interactive Editor at the San Francisco Chronicle. It would be a dream job for me, working for my hometown paper as a Goliath trying to suborn the Army of Davids to swear fealty to the Emm-Ess-Emm banner (Objective 1A: Expose Michelle Malkin as bad for the Port of Oakland). Today, the blogosphere, tomorrow the world!!!!11!!!4 8 15 16 23 42!!! etc. &tc. andtc.

I've got the print media experience - nearly 10 years of it - but the Chron also requires, and I quote, "Knowledge of and experience in the blogosphere and building robust online communities ..."

Thus a request: Please help me robust this hizzy up for any Chron recruiters who come sniffing 'round these parts. Let's robust a cap in they ass. In comments, let's show the Chron that nobody can get a flood of testimonials from a tiny readership that trolls the blogosphere with multiple usernames like ParrotLine.

Your reward if you help out? The longest ParrotLine comment thread EVAR (current record: embarrassing) ... plus, a big giant post on Iran and Nazis and nukes, oh my!

Have at it, folks. Let's get one of our own* into mainstream cyberspace. We can even make a contest out of it. As in, "AssParrot is so robust that ..."

Oh, and as a one-time only request, let's keep the "fucks" and "shits" to a minimum, as per: "Candidate must also have strong editorial judgment in deciding what user-generated content is not appropriate."

*What's good for General Motors AssParrot is good for America.


Thursday, April 13, 2006


Hey, kidz! Let's put on a show!

Okay, here are some song lyrics my cousin and I cooked up a while ago. Unfortunately, he's in Hawaii and he's the musician, so it's hard to work on them together. But if anybody out there is a musician in the Bay Area who likes the lyrics (the melodies I'd have to hum to you), and wants to work on the music and make them into real songs, give me a shout at dpoeter-at-earthlink-dot-net ...

The idea behind the songs is to create a Toby Keith-like character, who would take the Internets by storm with his no-nonsense patriotic country jamz. Here are a few of the songs:

Heapin' Helpin' of America

Woke up this mornin' with a turrible hunger deep inside
Turned on the stove, brewed up a cuppa joe
But it didn't soothe muh soul
That caffeine simply didn't take
It was a deeper sort of thirst I had to slake

So I went on down to Mainstreet ... Heartland, U.S.A.
Ordered up some grits and a piece o' key lime pie
But it didn't satisfy
Not just any vittles will
When it's a patriotic belly you've gotta fill
Oh, when it's a patriotic belly you've gotta fill

And as I sat there at the counter
Well it hit me like a punch
I was hungry for muh country ... not for lunch
Oh, I was hungry for muh country ... not for lunch

So gimme another heapin' helpin' of America
Pass around them freedom fries, would ya son
Make my breakfast, lunch and supper
Red, white and blue forever
Stick a fork in liberty, she's done

Oh, gimme another heapin' helpin' of America
Pass around them freedom fries, would ya son
Make my breakfast, lunch and supper
Red, white and blue forever
Stick a fork in liberty, she's done

So I went on down to Mainstreet ... Heartland, U.S.A.
Ordered up some grits and a piece o' key lime pie
But it didn't satisfy
Not just any vittles will
When it's a patriotic belly you've gotta fill
Oh, when it's a patriotic belly you've gotta fill

And as I sat there at the counter
Well it hit me like a punch
I was hungry for muh country ... not for lunch
Oh, I was hungry for muh country ... not for lunch

So gimme another heapin' helpin' of America
Pass around them freedom fries, would ya son
Make my breakfast, lunch and supper
Red, white and blue forever
Stick a fork in liberty, she's done

Oh, gimme another heapin' helpin' of America

Pass around them freedom fries, would ya son
Make my breakfast, lunch and supper
Red, white and blue forever
Stick a fork in liberty, she's done


Freedom Ain't Free

Freedom ain't free

It's two bucks, seventy-three
Down at the pump
And justice ain't just
Yer own pickup truck
And a good job at the dump
Liber-tee don't grow on no tree
And the sweetest damn place in the world to be
Is your cunt ...
Your country

It took a real man to demand
Manifest Destiny
Sweeping cross the Plains
Kickin' ass, takin' names
For dee-mock-ra-cy
Libert-tee, she don't grow on no tree
And the sweetest damn place in the world to be
Is your cunt ...
Your country


Call Me Bill's Daddy

When Billy was born, we knew he wadn't quite right
Had six fingers on his left hand, six toes on his right
Footin' the bill at the hos-pill nearly drove us broke
But if we gave a sound to puttin' him down, well we ain't that kinda folk

I love my gay, crippled, retard son
Even if there ain't a place fer him in Heaven up above
I'd surely be there with a hug and a pat on the back
The very day he proves to me he's got his life on track

Bill grew queerer by the day, to our distress
When he wadn't fallin' down the stairs, he was puttin' on a dress
He couldn't cipher worth a damn
But then how many of us can?
Not too many in this clan, I must confess
Not too many in this clan, I must confess

We did everything we could to help young Bill
Even though the preacher told us he was headed straight to Hell
We doused him in that Holy Water
Like some papist i-do-later
But all he did was spit it up like swill
Oh, all he did was spit it up like swill

But you know something folks? You gotta hate the sin and shame the sinner. And that's why ...

I love my gay, crippled, retard son
Even if there ain't a place fer him in Heaven up above
I'd surely be there with a hug and a pat on the back
The very day he proves to me he's got his life on track

I'm a' love my gay, crippled, retard son
Even if there ain't a place fer him in Heaven up above
I'd surely be there with a hug and a pat on the back
The very day he proves to me he's got his life on track

I love my gay, crippled, retard son
Even if there ain't a place fer him in Heaven up above
Jesus may a' turned his back on him
But I cain't do that to my kin
Call me a fool, call it a sin, call me Bill's Dad
Call me a fool, call it a sin, call me Bill's Dad
Call me a fool, call it a sin, call me Bill's Dad-dddddyyyy!


Learn 'Em a Thinger Three

Do you remember the day when ever-thang changed?
Since them towers fell, well it ain't been the same
But we larn't us something else on that day
There's folks out there hate the American way
They came over here a' lookin' fer a fight
I'll tell ya what, we're gonna put 'em right
They talk a funny language and they wear funny clothes
Well, American grindstone, meet A-rab nose
Y'all Muslim dead-enders, you're a' goin' to school
The lesson is freedom, our boot's the slide rule
Ya may do things wrong, but that's a gonna change
We train our teachers on a firin' range

So we're gonna tangle
We're gonna tussle
Gonna wrassle 'em down from Baghdad to Mosul
We're gonna learn them terrorists all 'bout the American way
Oh, we're gonna tangle
We're gonna tussle
Gonna wrassle 'em down from Baghdad to Mosul
We're gonna learn them terrorists all 'bout the American way

Oh, they don't hang their towels on a towel rack
Over there in old Iraq
They put 'em on their heads and folks, that just ain't right
They don't lay their carpets down wall-to-wall
They fly round on 'em, don't that just beat all?
It may be a tall task, but we're gonna set 'em right

Yessir ...

We're gonna clean up this old globe
Give 'er a shower and a terricloth robe
'Cause that's how we use towels here in America
(We don't put 'em on our heads ... now that's just wrong)

An' we're gonna tangle
We're gonna tussle
Gonna wrassle 'em down from Baghdad to Mosul
We're gonna learn them terrorists all 'bout the American way
Oh, we're gonna tangle

We're gonna tussle
Gonna wrassle 'em down from Baghdad to Mosul
We're gonna learn them terrorists all 'bout the American way

We're gonna lay down a big bear rug
Wrap 'em up in a big bear hug
'Cause that's how we use carpets here in America
(We don't fly around on 'em like Ali Babber, that's fer shore)

Yep, we're gonna tangle
We're gonna tussle
Gonna wrassle 'em down from Baghdad to Mosul
We're gonna learn them terrorists all 'bout the American way
Oh, we're gonna tangle
We're gonna tussle
Gonna wrassle 'em down from Baghdad to Mosul
We're gonna learn them terrorists all 'bout the American way

We're gonna twist up a big rat's tail
Snap 'em in the butt all the way to Hell
'Cause that's how we use towels here in America
(We use 'em to raise welts ... bigguns)

Yep, we're gonna tangle
We're gonna tussle
Gonna wrassle 'em down from Baghdad to Mosul
We're gonna learn them terrorists all 'bout the American way
Oh, we're gonna tangle
We're gonna tussle
Gonna wrassle 'em down from Baghdad to Mosul
We're gonna learn them terrorists all 'bout the American way


Ooh! Minty fresh breath!

Here's a picture my 4w3s0m3 sister took on her trip to Egypt. She also went to Turkey.


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