Tuesday, February 14, 2006


Tucker Carlson in ... 'This Twerp's Packin'!'

So I'm watching Scarborough Country - which is to The O'Reilly Factor as Jeff Foxworthy is to Larry "The Cable Guy" - and they've got Lawrence O'Donnell, the West Wing executive producer, on to discuss the Cheney hunting fiasco with Tucker Carlson, Nora ... Dunn? Doherty? whatever ... and some woman from the NY Post.

O'Donnell gets rolling on the missing 24 hours between the time Cheney shot a guy and the time the cops got to talk to him. And O'Donnell asks, point blank, "My only question is, was the vice-president drunk?"

This sets Tucker into apoplexy ... he starts sputtering about how he's a hunter (snort), he's shot like a million shotgun rounds (giggle), and the preposterousness! of anybody drinking! while shooting guns! blah blah ... at which point Scarborough, momentarily sane, drops in to laugh at Tucker's dorkiness, managing in the process to work in every single one of his "I'm down with dumbasses" button phrases (red state, Redneck Riviera, flyover country, etc.) ... prompting Tucker to freak out further, because usually big cousin Joe's down for letting him pretend he's a tough guy, like that time a few weeks ago when him and Joe were talking about some child molester in Connecticut and Tucker was all trying to look hard and saying shit like: "You better not leave me alone in a room with a piece of filth like that," and Joe was going along with it, fighting the instinctive eye roll with every ounce of his training in the Republican black arts, nodding in manly agreement, but really, like, AS IF, you bow-tied putz ... so anyway Tucker's on the ropes, trying to claw his way back in with the Kewl Kidz, and decides to snark, "Well, maybe he was shooting heroin, too!" but that's, you know, going a little overboard, dude, in fact, that totally misses the point ... uh, so, anyway, heh heh, now THAT was a little embarrassing ... whoops, folks, that's all the time we have! Up next after the break, David Gregory vs. Scott McLellan ... but don't touch that dial or you'll miss a few bars of the shittiest theme song on cable news!

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