Thursday, January 19, 2006


Thursday Pirate Blogging!

With Long Dick Cheney ...

THIS WEEK: Instructing Young Master Matthews on the finer arts of 'semen'ship!

"Arrr, yer a foine lad, young Tweety, s'truth! We'll make a seadog out o' ye yet! Arrr. Look lively an' listen sharp ... an' auld Dick'll tell ye a secret. A secret what'll serve ye in good stead with t'other men quartered on the sta'board side.

"Now, ye scry yin chip o' wood Dick's fingerin', laddy? I expect ye'll recognize the shape and heft from what's a' dangling a 'twixt yer own two legs. Ears pricked, Tweety me boy, this part's the treasure. As in 'X' marks the spot.

"Ye see lad, grown men such as meself, well, we've our own wee chips o' wood a' danglin' a twixt our legs, just like ye young pips do. Only our'n ain't so wee ... and it takes a bit a coaxin' to get 'em to wood.

"Ye've minded us well, an' here comes the jolly part. Every lesson worth its salt'll be havin' a jolly part. Let auld Dick just unbuckle his straps ... arrr, that's a lad. Now ye young scamp, ye can see what's what, so will ye jes' bend down a piece an' nuzzle yer phiz up against the hairy bits ye'll find doon below. Arrr, that's a boy, Master Matthews. Kiss it where it smells, lad. Kiss it where it smells.

"Aye, ye're a quick study, boy, an' a rare talent, arrr. But ye musn't say a peep about our little secret, d' ye ken? No, not a peep. And lad, if ye must blab, if the Cap'n or s'ummit forces it out o' ye, arrr ... ye're to say the Democrats taught ye the same lesson upon a time, an' done it worse to ye, an' were smellier to boot. Arrr-men."

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