Tuesday, January 31, 2006

 

SOTU Liveblogging ...


A wingnut diary … (all times PDT)

-begin transmission-

6:15: YAAAAAAY!!!!! PRESIDENT BUSH IS IN DA HOUSE!!!!! (or is it the senate, I can never remember … talk to me Scarborough, dammit!) Anyway, this SOTU will be MASTERFUL. Bush. Is. Hot. Oh and silly Cindy Sheehan got arrested! Can Michael Moore have a heart attack, please please please? It’d be like hitting the trifecta!

6:16: Carol Scott King? Did she do that cover of James Taylor’s “You’ve Got a Friend”????

6:16: “Isolationism is broad and inviting” … just like Pat Buchanan’s poopchute, the traitor!

6:17: “The advance of freedom is the greatest story of our time” … YAAAAY! SOMEBODY FINALLY SAID IT!!!!!! I wish he said “the advance of freedom PLUS the Bible” though … oh, well nobody’s perfect … except you JESUS!

6:18: Burma? Are the Burmanese in the Axis of Evil now? Fucking Islamofascists.

6:19: “Some men rage and fight against freedom” … I’m looking at you, Howard Dean.

6:20: “There is no peace in retreat and there is no honor in retreat” … NO THERE ISN’T! ANY SOLDIER WHO EVER RETREATS SHOULD BE HUNG.

6:21: “We will never surrender to evil” … BY GRAPTHAR’S HAMMER WE WILL NOT!

6:21: Kerry sat down so fast on the Grapthar’s Hammer line, it looked like a Swiss ski lift chair just hit him in the ass! And did he just whisper something snide to Hitlery? Oh, you KNOW he did! I bet he was all, “I got a purple heart for a bandaid wound in Vietnam and I hate the real man up there delivering the State of the Union Address …”

6:22: Nice how the camera panned over to the Iraqis or Afghanistanians or whatever looking all "thank you for saving us" when the Pres had a line about Iraq or something. Good work, MSM! For once, you fucktards.

6:22: Was that John Candy in the upper deck above third base on the Iraqi camera pan?

6:24: Am I the only one who’s worried that all the standing O’s may be a little rough on Cheney’s ticker?

6:25: Dems did NOT standing O on “difference between good advice and defeatism” line. Telling.

6:26: Military reps not applauding loud enough on “we must stand behind our military” line … infiltration of our forces by a fifth column?!? Note to self: E-mail Coulter on this …

6:28: Great great GREAT line from the dead guy letter: “NEVER FALTER!” … could it be the new “LET’S ROLL!” ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

6:29: What’s with the scar on that young lady’s chin? Is she a Dem or GOP? I need to know if it speaks of deceit or courage, dammit!

6:30: “Defeat the dark vision of hatred and fear” … take that Hamas! And you too Al Franken!

6:31: “Elections are vital, but only the beginning” … so right. SO RIGHT. Next, they’ll need electronic voting machines … some on my side of the aisle will say we shouldn’t pay for that … but BELIEVE ME, it’ll be worth it …

6:32: Has Denny Hastert lost weight? He looks POSITIVELY SCRUMPTIOUS!!!!! EEEEEEE!!!!!

6:33: Iranian nukes? Those fuckers! I bet they were totally in cahoots with Saddam … wonder how the Libs will react when we find out Saddam gave his nukes to Iran?

6:35: Mmmmm. Groan. Okay, he’s losing me on the AIDS stuff … not making me feel so warm and fuzzy now …

6:37: You know he could have tied in the AIDS-ridden foreigners thing with the stricter borders stuff … just a thought for the next SOTU …

6:37: YAAAAAAY!!!!! PATRIOT ACT!!!!!!!! WOOOO-HOOOOOO!!!!!

6:38: Oh. My. God. DEMS ARE TOTALLY ANTI-PATRIOTIC!!!!! (Like we didn’t already know … snark)

6:39: “It is said … we failed to connect the dots” on 9-11 … SAID BY WHO? NAME NAMES, DAMMIT! You know, for all his greatness, Bush is sometimes too soft on exposing the traitors within …

6:40: “… because we will not sit back and wait to be hit again” … aaaannnd ... camera pan to Dems … GODDAMIT! No applause. Fucking crickets chirping. People, let me make it plain – THE DEMS WANT AL-QAEDA TO HIT US. HILLARY CLINTON WANTS AL-QAEDA TO HIT US!!!!! THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!GKKKKSPRRRTTTT CKAKSLSDJF&*^*ASDF6a

6:41: Technical issues solved. Short story: pulled the keyboard off the kids’ iMac …

6:45: “Our economy is healthy” … darn tootin’!

6:45: “Our economic performance is the envy of the world” … careful, Dubya, you’ll give the “root causers” some more ammo … hehehehe pwn101

6:46: SPECTER HATES GROWTH. RINO ALERT, BIG TIME.

6:46: Condi scratches upper lip in firm approval of growth. The contrast with Specter couldn’t be more clear.

6:47: Dems HATE taxpayers! Bush loves Americans. Americans love Bush loving taxpayers and Americans. My guess? That's PRECISELY how this will play in Peoria.


6:49: MCCAIN IS SHIT-FLINGING INSANE. NOT FIT TO BE PRESIDENT. HIDING ILLEGITIMATE EARMARKS?

6:50: “…two of my Dad’s favorite people – me, and President Clinton” … then camera cuts to Hitlery, frowning. Okay, I don’t get it … Bush Sr. raped by Clinton and Hitlery knows? Anybody get a diff. read on that?

6:51: Dems not reading applause cards? Why the standing O on a “concerned grimace” line about evils of SS? Somebody fire the cue card guy, like yesterday.

6:51: “One out of five jobs related to Global Trade” … anybody got Global Trade in their portfolio? Is it even listed? Sounds like a labor shitstorm waiting to happen with all those employees, though …

6:51: Who let Uncle Fester in the roo … oh, it’s Chertoff. Creepy guy. Good creepy, though.

6:52: Two words: TORT REFORM. I think I just came in my pants.

6:52: “… clean, safe energy” … yada, yada. I smell pandering.

6:53: Isn’t that s-p-e-e-cial? Dems can give a standing O to fucking “switch grass” but they boo our troops?

6:56: Okay, guess I’m with him this American Competitiveness Initiative thing … math, science, yeah, okay. But dammit … TEACH THE CONTROVERSY.

6:57: Hey, nanotechnology! Take a bow, Instapundit. YOU made that happen.

6:57: More on math and science. No problemo. Just one thing … THE CONTROVERSY. Teach it.

6:58: This edumacation crapola sounding more than a little statist to anybody else out there?

6:59: “Our greatness is not measured by our power or our luxuries, but by how we treat each other” … okay, fine ... but also it's by our power and our luxuries.

7:02: ALITO NOT STANDING FOR THE "PLEASE GIVE IT UP FOR ALITO" LINE?!? SELF-HATING JUSTICE? Pleeeeeeeeease not another Souter.

7:02: Blah blah blah Sandra Day O’Conner. Don’t let the gavel hit you on the ass on your way out, baby killer.

7:03: DEMS WANT TO PUT OUR CREATOR’S GIFT UP FOR SALE?!?!?!? Hmmmph. Expect Kerry and Hitlery to legislate eBay auctions if they ever get in power … please Jesus don’t let that happen …

7:04: Can I just say? LAURA LOOKS STUNNING? Who does her hair?

7:04: Whoever it is, it ain’t the butcher who bouffanted that Landreau tart … snark rotflmao pwned1010101

7:04: Is that Dule Hill from the West Wing next to Laura? And they say Dubya doesn’t reach across the aisle … another Donk myth busted!

7:05: Half of all Americans with HIV are African-American? Or was it half of all African-Americans have HIV? Whatever … is the Bill Bennett option on the table yet?

7:06: Okay, did I miss the Pres make a Harry Belafonte reference? Because they just cut to Barack Obama …

7:06: 51 MINUTES. "THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT AND GOD BLESS AMERICA." No, thank YOU, Mr. Sexy!

7:07: Clinton couldn’t ask you to pass him the Triple Quarter Pounder in under 51 minutes.< / worst decade ever >

7:07: The speech was stunning. A true bipartisan success. Resolute, steely eyed and pregnant in all the right places. Total, total uniter.

7:08: Okay, this is just so cute. Everybody totally wants to shake our President’s hand … they totally think some of the Dubya magic might rub off … THINK AGAIN DEMS! Oh. My. God. Now he’s totally signing autographs. HE IS SUCH THE ROCKSTAR!!! Can you imagine what it would be like to be one of the twins? Like, if it was a rainy day? I would TOTALLY lie at his feet in front of the fireplace and look up at him ALL DAY and make him read books to me.

7:09: I LOVE OUR PRESIDENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-end transmission-





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